So new

I'll make it short:

Things are changing at a rapid speed. It's 1 week away from the end of August and I have nothing to show for it. Although, I have spent the last week packing up everything I own. My sister and I are moving. Her to Sandy, Utah and I to Calgary, Alberta. I have mixed emotions about this situation. 

For the last 2 years, a young girl has been in my life. Her name is Holland and I have been nannying her. She is a little cutie and so fun to have around. I try to make every day, with her, a special day. We do crafts, see museums, learn new things and a lot of other things. My heart hurts every time I think about leaving her. But I know that I also need to take care of myself. 

So it has come down to me moving home and working on ME! Yikes!, that may sound selfish to some. But if you know anything about me you'll know that I haven't done anything for myself at all, most of my adult life. It's time I find out who "Nicole" is, and that scares me to death! 

Some questions I have: 

How do I start? 

What if I don't like what I find? 

How do I work on myself without being selfish in the process? 

Why couldn't I have done this 15 years ago? Ha ha 

Anyway, enough blabbing for one day. 😊

 

Monday, Monday, Monday

So here it is November something and I am back in Calgary... Will I ever settle?  I don't think so.  I continue to watch the calendar, waiting for the 25th so that I can be back in Utah for a second and indulge in Aunt Shelley's Thanksgiving feast.  She is such a good cook.  I also want to spend a moment with some friends if I have some time.  And IF they remember who I am.  haha

Sitting here in the cold office that is Tage Davidsen Drywall, I am reminded of the fact that I forgot all of my winter things in the states... What am I to do?  Go shopping I guess.  It is great to be back here... If I want to fall back into my old habits that is.  But I don't!  I keep trying to get away from this place in yet for some odd reason I am always back here.  And I love every minute of it.  Am I suppose to stay and work here for the rest of my existence?  Or is there a path for me to actually become American, get married, have a family and live in the states for the rest of my life?  I hate this "not knowing" crap.  All I need are a few simple answers.... and ASAP please. 

Anyway, this isn't a sad message.  I am loving the crisp, Calgary air.  I have had some fun seeing old friends and driving around a city that I know backwards and forwards.  I do miss Utah and it's beautiful mountains.  I think I shall enroll  in school again so I can spend another 4 years (give or take) there without hesitation.  haha

Hmmm almost time to start closing up shop.
Buh Bye   

Time to hit it hard...

So I have two weeks left here.  Wow I can't believe that this summer has moved so fast...  I have had great times and I have had horrible times.  I have walked and walked... You could say that I may be a pioneer child.  HAHA  just kidding.

Anyway, I am so grateful for the opportunity that I have had to come here and sell pest control.  I have heard so much about it through the years of knowing people who have done it or even the security stuff, but I never really knew the extent of it until now.  Knocking doors is something that I have done before.  Living with random girls that I didn't know is something that I have done before.  But putting it all together on a 24 hour base, I have not done before.  It is quite an intimate job.  Having your own time means... Well unless you spend an extra hour in the bathroom, you don't really have alone time.  Everyone is always around everyone else...  But the funny thing is that I started to like it.  Am I a social butterfly??  I think YES!! 
Also, this summer has strengthened me in so many ways.  I would have to say that I am still not completely active in the church but I have developed some amazing habits.  I am almost half way through the Book Of Mormon.  Now, I did read it once upon a time when I was but a young child of 14 for my personal progress.  But reading it now as an adult is one of the most amazing things.  I will tell you that if I didn't have the spirit with me this summer, I may not have made it.  To add on to that, I have gone to the first discussion with a friend of mine.  He is very spiritual and is looking for more.  It was a really great experience.  That story is to be continued...

I also know now what I want out of a relationship.  I won't go into great detail, but I will say that I deserve the best.  Hahaha  my mum told me that once.  ;-)  Love HER!! 

I tolerate people so much better now and I am able to smooth over confrontations so well.  People would say to me that I must be a peace maker... Who knew?  lol

There has been 3 weddings in our office, and I still haven't slit my wrists, so that is also a good thing... When will my day come?  Who knows...

To conclude;  I am soooo excited to go back to Utah.  I can't wait to see some friends, to hug my sister, my aunt Shelley, and Shauna.  I can't wait to kiss Logan and Kait.  I can't WAIT to sleep in my own bed!!  Ahhh that will be so nice.  And I can't wait to eat at Settebello.  There is much more, but I am tired and off to bed. 

Good Night All!!

What a day...

Once again I am wondering why the heck I am here.  I don't think that today was that bad of a day, however, I am stuck in an area where each of the houses are about a half a mile away from each other.  I walk and walk and walk to find that no one is home or that they are not interested.  I had a loser guy tell me today that he house is an Eco system.  He said that he liked his bugs and doesn't want anyone to kill any of them.  What a crock. 

Then there is the fact that I got kicked out of my area by some cops... Then all of the sudden Josh is in my area pulling out sales where I should have been.  Makes me furious.

Then you have the fact that I am surrounded by a bunch of cute little girls.  Here I am thinking that I am a mammoth fat giant and can't sell anything and all of these tiny girls are making sales left right and centre.  The stupid thing is that it wouldn't be so bad if they were all just here selling.  But the fact that I sit here and listen to all of these men, that I am working with, tell them how cute they are and how they will pull out sales like mad because of their beauty, is what's killing me.  I know what I look like... I know that I am not pretty or skinny, but can't the guys just hold off on saying things like that until I am out of earshot and not right beside them?  I would think that it is only common knowledge to consider other people's feelings.   

I don't know how I am suppose to change this feeling that I am having but it is really getting me down.  I'm trying hard to work on uplifting myself such as reading my scriptures every night.  I pray at least 4 times a day.  I keep a smile on my face.  What am I doing wrong?  Why do I always feel like this? 

I sometimes want to blame Jims.  He took everything from me.  And to this day I can't get him out of my mind.  I love him and hate him all at the same time.  I wish him the best and hope that he gets in a serious accident, all at the same time.  Why is it that I have lost all love in myself and beauty that I once had because of the fact that he took everything from me...

I want my heart back.  I want to be happy and feel loved.  I want I want I want... Don't I deserve some of this?  Maybe I shouldn't be so selfish and work on helping other people out instead of thinking about myself.  But here I am a 30+ old woman who is single and has no prospects of ever being happy.  No marriage in the future which equals no children.  There is something terribly wrong with this picture. 

I come across so many people and couples that I honestly can't understand how they were able to get married or even had a chance to.  And then there is me...  What the HECK!! 

Anyway, I just need to say what I feel sometimes.  I'm just annoyed in every direction and I can't seem to shake these feelings that I have.  Tomorrow is, in fact, a new day and who knows... Maybe it will be an amazing day.

Pray for me.   

Hmmmm

Today is a little here and there.  I got up and got ready and headed out to the office of my new job.  They slapped me with a shirt and a clipboard and sent me out into the world... I had no training or anything.  So.... Yeah.  I spent about 20 min with one of the sales reps and he kind of went over some things with me and also came to about 3 houses with me.  But then he left me to fend for myself.  haha  What a fun day.  I think I got the street with people that woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  I know that I must not get discouraged because I have done this before and I know that I am good at it.  But I also know that I don't know the product at all.  So this weekend I am working on learning what I need to know.  GO ME!! 

Other than that, I am starting a new diet.  I want to lose 60 lbs if I can.  That is about 12 lbs a month if I can do it.  It is not impossible for the average human being, but with me.... Well we will see.  haha 

So I cooked a bunch of healthy food today to start on Monday.  And now I am going to go get some Burger King... At 11:30pm.  lol  Off to a good start hey?  I know I know.  But I don't have and real food in the house. 

So tomorrow is Easter.  HAPPY EASTER!!!  To everyone who reads this.  I hope you all have a wonderful day and have a great time with your loved ones.  :-)

Me?...?  Well I am going to be studying my pitch.  HA 

Off to get food then bed.  Good Night!!

Rainy Dayz

Yesterday was a good one.  I listened to Toledo Surprise as I drove out of Toledo and then talked to my mother about it a little later.  We had a laugh.  The rest of the drive was wonderful and so beautiful.  It reminds me a lot of the outskirts of Alpharetta Georgia.  So green and full.  The drivers are a little crazy in VA, but I guess you find that everywhere.  Once I got into VA I called my new roommate, (Chelsea) and asked her if she had a key for me.  She was out selling so she told me to go to Tim's house.  It was his wife's birthday so everyone was going over there after to have cake and ice cream.  I decided that I would go for a tan to kill some time then go over to Tim's house.  So there I was, so tired, covered in tanning lotion, no makeup and not showered and surrounded by happy go lucky people.  I tried very hard to be a happy person.  Once I had a piece of cake I was a little better, but still so tired.  After the little party, Chelsea showed me where we lived and her and 3 of the bug boys helped me unload my car.  How sweet of them hey?  I then spent the rest of the evening unpacking and getting things put in their place. 
I had a wonderful night sleep.

So today is the first full day that I spent in Virginia.  I got up and showered and headed out.  I went to Walmart and filled a cart full of randoms that I needed such as a shower curtain, a shower cadi, a vacuum, some hangers... And the list goes on.  Then I went for a tan... (gotta get some glow on my skin) then I went to the grocery store.  Everything is so organic here that is is annoying.  But I am not going to force my opinion on anyone, but still...  During all of this it rained and rained and rained... As I write this, it is still raining.  UGH  but I have a beautiful Utah Utes umbrella that I am using.  So it is allllll good.  Then once I got home and started putting everything away the lids to my pots were broken.  So I jumped back into the car and went back to Walmart and got new ones. 

Other than that, I have done dishes and hung stuff up and that is about it.  Work starts tomorrow morning.  Wish. Me. Luck!!

Good night! 

Duet Day

Duet: an action or activity performed by a pair of closely connected individuals

So today was a great day.  I got up and jumped in my car and drove.  For about 3 hours this guy in a crappy girly car and I did the dance of circling cars.  I would pass him and then get into the right lane then he would pass me and get in front of me and then I would pass him... And so on.  The weird thing is that my car was on cruise the whole time (besides being behind a Semi Truck), so... he was the one driving fast then slow at a constant. 

I am staying in Toledo, Ohio tonight.  I get a huge kick out of the fact that I am staying here.  The sad thing is that no one else appreciates the reason as to why I find it so amusing except for my mother.  I must call her in the morning.  Oh yes and there is a TIM HORTON'S here!!!  I am sooooo very excited to get a hot chocolate and a donut in the morning. 

For La trek (even though I know you don't read this), I passed about 8 Cattle Barons today.  I thought of you every time I passed one.  Fat in a bowl.  HAHA 

Some of the people I saw today were very interesting.  There was a guy that had his whole finger in his nose... Not sure if it was stuck or not.  There was also a guy who I am sure had a tick or was OCD or something.  He kept twitching his head and moving his rear view mirror back and forth.  I finally got a little creeped out and had to pass him.  There was also a girl that was following me for a while and every time she ran her hand through her hair, her car would veer into the shoulder... Just goes to show that most women can't drive OR they can't multi task while they drive.  lol KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE WHEEL!!

So when you leave Nebraska and they welcome you into Iowa there is this amazing bridge that has big metal statues on each side of it.  I took a picture, so I will have to look at it again but I swear they looked like Edward Scissor Hand's Hands!  lol They were so neat. 

So enough chatter for tonight.  I am tired and I have 8 more hours to drive.  Good Night!!